Friday poem: 'Plastic Surgery Haiku'

10 July 2015

by Amy Poehler

If you plump your lips
The words that come out of them
Sound ridiculous

We know it’s Botox
And not your vegan diet
Nice try, Margaret

A face− lift does not
Make daughters comfortable
When you chaperone

Fine, get your boobs done
But only make them smaller
Fake boobs are weird, y’all

Asymmetrical
Looks cool while cheek implants are
Less interesting

Plastic surgery
Requires a good amount
Of lying to friends

Can I be honest?
You look like a lady from
The Broadway show Cats

I have no idea
If you are angry or sad
Since you got fillers

Hey, shooting poison
In your face does not keep you
From turning fifty

Yes Please

This haiku – or nine haikus, really – is from actress and comedian Amy Poehler’s book Yes Please. The book, like the poem, is laugh-out-loud funny, making Amy’s wise words of advice on everything from friendship to parenting via plastic surgery all the more powerful.

Yes Please is out now in paperback.

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