How to talk to kids about bodies and food

As a psychologist, one of the most important things I believe any parent can do is foster a positive body image in themselves and their kids. The way we see, think and feel about our bodies underpins the way we feel about ourselves, the way we treat ourselves, and the way we show up in the world. It affects our mental health, our physical health, our confidence, our attitude towards food, our job prospects, our relationships, our quality of life – everything. If you don’t feel safe, accepted and valued in your body, you simply don’t feel safe.

Fortunately, there is an array of simple, practical strategies that you can use to promote body confidence in yourself and your child, including several around the way you talk about bodies and food. 

Body talk – what to say and what to avoid

Pause for a moment and reflect on the messages you received about bodies and food when you were growing up.  Notice how they impacted you.  Did they help you feel confident in your body, or like you needed to change it in some way?  How did you feel about  different types of food?  Did some food hold moral value?  One of the most impactful things we can do as adults is be really mindful about which messages we want to pass down to our kids, and which we would prefer end with us.

Language that promotes a broad perspective of beauty, emphasises appreciating what our bodies can do rather than what they look like, and encourages a neutral relationship with all food types is so powerful, particularly given that children begin to form beliefs about bodies from the age of three.  

‘Language that promotes a broad perspective of beauty, emphasises appreciating what our bodies can do rather than what they look like, and encourages a neutral relationship with all food types is so powerful, particularly given that children begin to form beliefs about bodies from the age of three. ’

Regarding your own body image, in practice, this might look like:

Instead of, 'I look so fat in everything.' You might say, 'I’m not feeling confident in my clothes today, what do I need right now to make me feel more comfortable?'

Instead of, 'I hate my cellulite!' say something like, 'I don’t love my dimply skin, but it’s skin doing what skin does and it doesn’t define who I am.'

And in terms of food:

Rather than, 'I’m so naughty for eating that!' you might say, 'Mmm, I really enjoyed that.'

And instead of, 'I’m trying to be good,' you could say, 'I’m trying to make sure my body gets all the nutrients it needs by eating more fresh foods.'

If you’re worried that your kid is eating too much, you can approach it gently and in a non-shaming way by asking, 'How are you feeling right now? Are you still hungry, or is another feeling showing up that’s making you want to eat?' The goal isn’t to police their eating but to encourage awareness of their own internal cues for hunger, satiety, as well as their emotions. This will help them recognise what they need in that moment and to meet that need in healthy and appropriate ways. 

What to do when your child comments on someone else’s body

It’s really normal for kids to be curious when they notice physical differences, even though it can feel awkward if they call someone something that might be considered insulting within earshot.  When this happens, try to stay calm and curious yourself.  

Don’t laugh it off and tell your child to be quiet. This sends the message that some bodies are too shameful to even talk about or that you condone what they’ve said.

Do remind them that, yes, bodies come in all shapes and sizes, but commenting on other people’s bodies isn’t kind, and what really matters is how we treat ourselves, and each other. Later, in private, you can explore what led your kid to make the comment, and check whether it was intended as an insult. For example, whilst some people might consider being called fat offensive, your kid may be using it as a neutral descriptor like tall, or brunette. 

How to respond when others use harmful language about bodies and food

Being clear on your values around food, bodies and diet talk can be really helpful when it comes to those tricky situations when friends or family members make unhelpful comments around your kids.  There are several ways you can respond that remain respectful whilst ensuring your child sees you upholding the family values and protecting their self-worth.

For example, if a relative starts to criticise a family member for having gained weight, you can reply with, 'We try not to talk about people’s weight in our house; we value people for who they are, not what they look like.'

Or if you’d prefer to address it with them in private, something like, 'I just want to mention that we’re trying to be neutral about body size and food around the kids; they pick up so much from what they hear.'

‘Being clear on your values around food, bodies and diet talk can be really helpful when it comes to those tricky situations when friends or family members make unhelpful comments around your kids. ’

If it isn’t possible to intervene at the time, feels too confronting, or you don’t have the capacity to, you can talk to your child later about what happened.  For example, 'I’m sorry I didn’t interrupt Grandma when she was commenting on your body earlier. Some people don’t realise that it’s unkind and hurtful to talk about how other people look, but I just want to remind you that all bodies are good bodies and you are so loved.'

When thinking about healthy body boundaries it’s helpful to be mindful of non-verbal communication, too. Kids need to know that it is ok to say no if they don’t feel comfortable being hugged, kissed or patted, even if others expect something different from them. By instilling in them that there are lots of ways to greet friends and relatives and that they get to choose what feels good for them, you also teach your kid not to ignore their feelings in service of pleasing others, which could compromise their wellbeing and safety as they grow up.

Read more in Body Confident You, Body Confident Kid

Psychologist Dr Charlotte Ord offers a compassionate, practical guide to helping children build a healthy relationship with their bodies, while empowering parents and carers to do the same. With a seven-step plan grounded in evidence-based strategies, Dr Ord tackles harmful diet culture, body image anxieties, and the pressures of social media. From fostering self-esteem to making movement joyful, this book is packed with actionable advice, exercises, and tips.