Scarlett Moffatt on what not to say to single people
Gogglebox star and I’m a Celebrity's Queen of the Jungle, Scarlett Moffatt on being single, dancing like Beyoncé and the possibility of hiring part-time boyfriends.
Of course when you’re out with the girls on a night out, lads always come into it. They can’t not, can they? But honestly, I’m not usually on the lookout when I’m having fun with my friends.
When I was at uni I was much more excited about the possibility of meeting a lad and it was like it was my sole reason for going out. I always thought I was going to meet the love of my life. But these days I don’t give a shit!
I would always rather be single than go out with someone just because I think I should be with someone. Loads of girls think if they get with someone their life is going to be perfect. Your life should be perfect anyway, and if you get together with someone, that should be an added bonus. Being single isn’t a disease!
I have had boyfriends and they’re not all they’re cracked up to be. I mean, one day it would be nice to meet someone, but it’s not my main goal in life. I’ll probably end up being about fifty with loads of dogs and cats, but until that happens I’m not going to worry.
I’d like a Sunday boyfriend for when I’m hungover and feel shit, but that’s about it. Someone should start a business where you can hire a part-time boyfriend for a Sunday night. They can come over around lunchtime and then leave about 9 p.m. and be like, ‘See you next Sunday!’ That would suit me.
Ten things not to say to a single person
1. 'Don’t worry (not that I was anyway), you’ll meet someone when you’re least expecting it.’
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What does that even mean? Is the love of my life going to jump out from under my bed with a bouquet of flowers when I try to go to sleep tonight? Because I’m not expecting that.
2. ‘Do you ever feel lonely?’
Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you’re lonely, just the same as being in a relationship doesn’t necessarily mean you’re happy.
3. 'Have you ever tried an online dating site like Tinder or Plenty of Fish?’
Have you ever tried minding your own business?
4. 'Maybe you should cross a few of the qualities you want your future husband to have off your list to give yourself a better chance?’
I’ve waited this long, mofo, I’m not compromising on anything.
5. ‘Maybe you’re looking in the wrong places?’
Oh, so I should be looking in local prisons for prospective boyfriends? No wonder it hasn’t been working out.
6. ‘But how are you even single?’
Because I don’t just go out with any old idiot. Being single can be a life choice, you know.
7. When friends organise a couple’s night out: ‘I mean, you could come, but it will be all couples.’
Don’t panic, you’re not going to catch singledom.
8. My parents: ‘You won’t find a boyfriend at the bottom of a wine bottle.’
No, but I will find that it helps me have a good time and dance like Beyoncé.
9. At a wedding: ‘This will be you one day.’
Yeah, all I need to do first is find someone, get them to want to spend the rest of their life with me, and then book a wedding.
10. 'You are such a catch. Someone will snatch you up.’
Scarlett Says by Scarlett Moffett is out in paperback on 23rd March.
Scarlett Moffat turns her attention to life, the universe and everything in a book that will be utterly unlike any other celebrity autobiography you read.
Start reading now