We asked Michelle Davies, author of Gone Astray, how she would commit the perfect murder. It involves poison, the London Underground and an after-dinner petit four...
What is weapon of choice?
Poison, slipped into a drink. Stabbing someone is out of the question because I don’t think I could handle the sight of lots of blood, much less be bothered to clean up afterwards. I’m also too clumsy to handle a gun; I’d probably shoot myself in the foot by mistake.
What is your motive?
To right a wrong. My victim will have done something heinously evil to land on my radar. They’re about to get what’s coming to them.
Where is the scene of the crime?
The middle of a packed restaurant. Dressed as a waitress (I would be wearing the uniform under my coat, which I would take off at the last minute), I would “accidentally” knock into my victim’s table and tip a plate of food into their companion’s lap, then slip the poison into the victim’s drink during the ensuing chaos. Yes, I have given this much thought.
What is your getaway vehicle?
Assuming I carry out the murder in London, where I live, I shall be escaping – hood up to avoid CCTV detection, naturally – on the Underground. It’s all too easy to skip between platforms and different lines and the crowds will be the perfect camouflage.
Who is your accomplice?
I don’t have one. I wouldn’t want to implicate anyone else. My victim will deserve to die; I’m not risking someone else being sent to prison for a scumbag like that.
Do you have a calling card?
As tempting as it would be to leave something on the restaurant table – a fake bill adorned with my master criminal name, perhaps? – I wouldn’t want to do anything that might be forensically traceable. Or perhaps I’d leave an after-dinner petit four in the shape of the Grim Reaper on their plate, like a macabre version of the Milk Tray man.